People telling me I’ve “changed.”
Very seldom is that term used in any kind of positive context, and I find that disheartening. Change is good, it’s the only constant…and unless the ramifications in which I’m changing are dangerous - keep your mouth shut.
In a recent exchange with Rebecca, she raised some concerns about my character.
(To date: nothing constructive has ever come from anyone questioning my character.)
She brought to my attention the last time we had hung out, when I was leaving I made a comment about her jacket, something along the lines of “Girl, time to get a new coat!” A very benign, typical gay comment on a coat I thought she had for years (turns out it was a newer version of the same old coat.) She was insulted, insulted enough to remember it and bring it up a week later anyway… However, that one comment had now sparked a conversation about how over the past year I’ve become someone different. There were not specific labels of just what exactly I had become (though I’m dying to know,) but after the conversation I felt gross – sour grapes for everyone.
I suppose this is an issue for me because something so insignificant like making a joke about a material possession – or making faces at her roommates (another story for another time) had turned into her getting real with me. I didn’t know what to say…what are you supposed to say? Doesn’t an introspective review take days or weeks, and usually end up in being stressed out and forcing often (however miniscule) some sort of lifestyle change?
*$)@*_)#@!!!!
My automatic response was to stick to my guns, I wasn’t being cruel by making a sarcastic comment about her jacket – and quite frankly her roommates are clearly not anywhere on my radar of giving a shit. I just wish people could articulate better when it comes to concern. I know Rebecca didn’t mean to make me feel this way but she did, and for no good reason. To make matters worse, Nik backed her up. Maybe they feel like I’ve left them behind, I’m not really sure, but the word of the day for Nik and Reba is Irrational.
Irrational.
Filed under: general bullshit
I really wanted to write something profound and thought provoking for my first entry.
uh, yeah. I want to do a lot of things.
I will, however, give you a general idea of how this is going to go and what I plan to take away from it at the end of the day. You see, I 86′d brokenyouth because it was the last remaining bridge between the Sean I used to be (deceitful, selfish, and hilariously cruel) and the Sean I am now (just hilariously cruel…but responsible!) You’d shit what a little sense of responsibility can do for someones persona. I was wreck-less before, and now I’m careful.
With the end of brokenyouth I get a chance to change the way I write about things. I really don’t want to make this a blog full of inside jokes and boring tales from my weekend endeavours. I’m still going to write about things that get to me, personally and otherwise but mainly, I want to start to convey an opinion about things that happe
n outside my social network…because it gets tired, I know. I’m also not going to water down the entries anymore, if you read the last brokenyouth entry I used a key-phrase that will become a running theme for this blog: thoughtful disclosure. There will be no outright shit-talking (well, maybe once in a while) or outwardly hurtful things on here. But make no mistake, there will be no secrets. This blog is my vent outlet, and I vent often.
As for the technical aspects of these cute new digs you’ll notice a few things on the left. The most important items being the Cast, as I figure I will be writing about my friends often it might help readers who want to put a face with a name. Also, standard flickr and audioscrobbler widgets for access to my pictures and to keep tabs on what I’m listening to lately (because my taste is ultimate.)
In closing, I really want you all to enjoy reading it. There was a point in brokenyouth’s history where there was over 1,000 unique hits a day…I want to get back to how fun it was to blog and share it with an audience on a broader scale.
If I have to step on a few people to get there, I can live with that.
<3
