get me the hell out of here

People telling me I’ve “changed.”

Very seldom is that term used in any kind of positive context, and I find that disheartening. Change is good, it’s the only constant…and unless the ramifications in which I’m changing are dangerous - keep your mouth shut.

In a recent exchange with Rebecca, she raised some concerns about my character.
(To date: nothing constructive has ever come from anyone questioning my character.)
She brought to my attention the last time we had hung out, when I was leaving I made a comment about her jacket, something along the lines of “Girl, time to get a new coat!” A very benign, typical gay comment on a coat I thought she had for years (turns out it was a newer version of the same old coat.) She was insulted, insulted enough to remember it and bring it up a week later anyway… However, that one comment had now sparked a conversation about how over the past year I’ve become someone different. There were not specific labels of just what exactly I had become (though I’m dying to know,) but after the conversation I felt gross – sour grapes for everyone.

I suppose this is an issue for me because something so insignificant like making a joke about a material possession – or making faces at her roommates (another story for another time) had turned into her getting real with me. I didn’t know what to say…what are you supposed to say? Doesn’t an introspective review take days or weeks, and usually end up in being stressed out and forcing often (however miniscule) some sort of lifestyle change?

*$)@*_)#@!!!!

 My automatic response was to stick to my guns, I wasn’t being cruel by making a sarcastic comment about her jacket – and quite frankly her roommates are clearly not anywhere on my radar of giving a shit. I just wish people could articulate better when it comes to concern. I know Rebecca didn’t mean to make me feel this way but she did, and for no good reason. To make matters worse, Nik backed her up. Maybe they feel like I’ve left them behind, I’m not really sure, but the word of the day for Nik and Reba is Irrational.

 Irrational.