My Thomas is finally 21!

His celebration was a sweeping success – he

had the biggest turnout of a port party this year. *golf clap* The pictures have been uploaded to my Flickr, they’re pretty good.

Saturday evening I had a pretty high profile night for Matty’s birthday festivities. It involved all of my favorite things: matty, whisk

ey, cigarettes, crazy asians, free beer and madonna. Forgot my camera.Tomorrow a few of us took off to go to Six Flags for the day, I’m pretty stoked.

The next big thing to be excited for is Montreal Pride. Patrick, Richard, D, Niko and I are heading north for 4 days to party it up. I haven’t been since the FSB went in ‘05 and I’ve been dying to go back. I figure that will be my little summer vacation as a trip to SF right now is looking mighty expensive – plus I’m partial to road trips anyway.

That’s about it for right now, I’m at work and just figured i’d give a quick update and share the pics.

xxxooooo

christ.

Pride was a blast – Saturday especially. I forgot my camera on both occasions but you can find pictures…

here
and
here

Sunday got a little sloppy and I drank more than I should have knowing I had work in the morning. Even though I skipped avalon that night boy howdy it wouldn’t have mattered. On Monday I felt pretty crappy as to be expected, but by 5 pm things we’re going terribly awry. By the time 7 pm hit and halfway through my class I had a full on fever, body aches, sore throat and a headache for days. Somehow I caught the nastiest 24hr bug in history. I practically stumbled home in a haze of confusion and weakness (I saw Neil Patrick Harris at the copley T station, btw) and went straight to bed. It was fucking awful, I couldn’t get up let alone walk to the kitchen for water…

no fun. but it’s over now.

My lovely Thomas turned 21 yesterday, and it still feels kind of weird. We’ve been drinking together for half a decade so while this age brings huge significance it’s still weird for me and I don’t quite believe it (though I’m happy.) We celebrated at Top of the Hub last night and a few bars after that but kept it low key as the main event is Friday night at my house. It will be a shitshow to remember as it is not only Thomas’s bday but it’s Tevvy’s going away party as well. I’m trying to find the silver lining in her leaving by knowing they’ll be less cat litter/smell/dander everywhere but it’s a pretty sad occasion – she’s been such an amazing person to have in my life for these years I’m sad to see her go. She needs to do what makes her happy and being home with her friends and continuing her life there will do that, so good for her!

With me, well, I sort of lost my mind for the past 72 hrs with being sick and so I’ve been in a bad place. At one point I just wanted to be away from all of this mess, including work and school….I really was at low Seanostasis. Now that I’m out of the hole I’m ok…dreading the make-up work I have to do but my mood has improved.

I think I’m going to make an effort at reforming on some things, I’m far to spread out emotionally to cover myself anymore. Every little thing with people now either pisses me off or gets me upset. I have to pull back some psychological resources and simmer for a while.

and that’s where I’m at right now. I know I’m skirting a few issues but that’ll be the next entry as it’s been far to long since i’ve called you all out and talked up some shit.

 le sigh…

One last show, though it plans to be a good one.
Thomas, Monahan, Jonah, Kimmi and Erin say goodbye to Andrea and the boys

I’ve never been so excited to get so sad before, hah.

at least I know I’m progressing, it’s just going to be bad for all of you for a while.

I haven’t acted like I did this weekend since…the Fireside. Just constant, non-discriminate belligerence. It kind of felt good, like screaming in to a pillow (which never worked for me) instead I was screaming at my friends and whoever else crossed my path. I’m really not sorry either – shocked maybe – but I had been holding things inside for the longest time while I tried to find a happy balance of old and new Sean. I won’t feel bad for having a slip up, especially when it was warranted (sort of). Anyway, it’s passed I feel…hopefully I can move along without any more incidents. We’ll see.

In other news, I’m kind of looking forward to getting back to school. I just want it to be done with so badly that I’m excited to be getting back in the game and wrapping this shit up. I’m grateful for the little break I had over March/April, I got a lot of time to relax and with the death of Nani I probably would have dropped my spring classes anyway…so it all kind of worked itself out. I miss her so much, I still kind of can’t believe it? I have all of her pictures on the floor of my bedroom, and the blankets I gave her for christmas that I took when I cleaned out her room…

I suppose it will be a while.

I’m so lucky to have support from everyone. All of my friends have been there in one way or another over the past 2 weeks. Love you folks.

Ugh, my iced coffee is diluted.
<3

I give you…Michael Halas (in the red underwear):

…left of being 21. I’m kind of sad about it, 21 was such a great time.

It had a few downs (some big) but mostly ups. I changed a lot this year, became a newer version of myself I’m confident with. I Made a gaggle of new friends, went camping and enjoyed it! (personal breakthrough), got to go back west and see old friends, re-connected with my father, enjoyed a promotion, came to terms with an emotion for someone I had blocked out since the beginning, and set a tentative course for what I want to do in the next 2 years.

 It’s been a good year for me. I hate to see it go.

Twenty-Two is going to bring a lot of radical changes I don’t know I’m quite ready for. I found out earlier this week that Tevvy Laufer, my roommate and domestic support structure, is going home for good on May 31st. She is only 1 out of a handful of people I hold close to my heart I’ll have to wave goodbye to in the coming months. Goodbye’s are always the hardest things I deal with, I don’t know why…something to do with the finality of it all I suppose. I always cry when shows have series finale’s – even if I never followed it. Most recently was when I watched the last 9 minutes of Six Feet Under (had never seen an episode before.)

I’ll be alright, I still have a summer and when that’s over I should be filling my days with thoughts of graduation and striking west.

5 Days…

I hope this weekend goes well, I’m just going to do what I want and hope everyone has a good time. I’m secretly hoping Niko will do something cute, but…I’m also not expecting anything. My only requirement for this weekend is angel food cake with chocolate frosting, of which I can obtain by myself.

PS: Go see GRINDHOUSE, bring liqour and cigarettes.

xo

click !

I know I promised I would write more about other things, but my life is just to frantic for that lately.

Realizations, I’ve had a lot in the last 24 hours. The most important being: I’m happy with me.

Mike Monahan sent me and email this morning that hovered around my ‘Grinds My Gears’ post, and somewhat reinforced the general feelings of Nik and Reba. Now, without going into details about Mike, I’ll just say that we we’re very close once upon a time. Without dragging this out I’ll say after three people agreeing I had become a different person I did spend the latter half of my day searching for something that felt different inside.

No dice.

So I dissected each of their arguments and found individual faults in all of them united, basically, behind Reb’s very vague statement that I had changed. So I’m calling this issue on it’s bullshit and telling you three to find some substantial evidence. I’ll be waiting in the meantime.

On to happier issues my vacation is ONE WEEK away! Back to California.
Thomas is coming home on Thursday and I get to see him before I go.
Peter cooked me dinner tonight.
Work is going great.
I’m getting back in touch with Erin. +90 pts

Oh, did I mention I was going on vacation with the sweetest boy in the world? Cause I am.

Uh yes, also, listen to this.

Don’t you love how I link shit now? Me too. Though, it’s past my bedtime…I should finish this wine and knock like a jehovah.

xo

Dear Jim,

First, let me thank you for a wonderful evening. Your kind nature and generosity brought me and my roommates together like never before. For that, I thank you.

 But we need to talk.

Now that the morning has come and I’ve had a chance to think about last night, there’s a few interactions that were, retrospectively, quite rude of you. The first being, while I was enjoying the company of my new neighbors - making me crack a smile and almost giggle when the woman from apartment 3 was sobbing because her roommate died. How insensitive! Making jokes at a time like that! And so we invited you back to the apartment, at which point you started asking Tevvy unusual questions – it made me feel so awkward! I didn’t really care to know about Alex’s “Stinky Dinky.” I will admit that convincing me to dance with Tevvy and scream the lyrics to “Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” was a riot, but I’m sure our neighbors didn’t appreciate all the times we fell on the floor or knocked furniture over.

And I will expect you to pay for the dishes you threw out of my window.

 Otherwise, I hope we can move past this little incident and find a time and place to see each other again.

 Best,
Seano

People telling me I’ve “changed.”

Very seldom is that term used in any kind of positive context, and I find that disheartening. Change is good, it’s the only constant…and unless the ramifications in which I’m changing are dangerous - keep your mouth shut.

In a recent exchange with Rebecca, she raised some concerns about my character.
(To date: nothing constructive has ever come from anyone questioning my character.)
She brought to my attention the last time we had hung out, when I was leaving I made a comment about her jacket, something along the lines of “Girl, time to get a new coat!” A very benign, typical gay comment on a coat I thought she had for years (turns out it was a newer version of the same old coat.) She was insulted, insulted enough to remember it and bring it up a week later anyway… However, that one comment had now sparked a conversation about how over the past year I’ve become someone different. There were not specific labels of just what exactly I had become (though I’m dying to know,) but after the conversation I felt gross – sour grapes for everyone.

I suppose this is an issue for me because something so insignificant like making a joke about a material possession – or making faces at her roommates (another story for another time) had turned into her getting real with me. I didn’t know what to say…what are you supposed to say? Doesn’t an introspective review take days or weeks, and usually end up in being stressed out and forcing often (however miniscule) some sort of lifestyle change?

*$)@*_)#@!!!!

 My automatic response was to stick to my guns, I wasn’t being cruel by making a sarcastic comment about her jacket – and quite frankly her roommates are clearly not anywhere on my radar of giving a shit. I just wish people could articulate better when it comes to concern. I know Rebecca didn’t mean to make me feel this way but she did, and for no good reason. To make matters worse, Nik backed her up. Maybe they feel like I’ve left them behind, I’m not really sure, but the word of the day for Nik and Reba is Irrational.

 Irrational.