jeeeeez….

Apologies for the lack of updates but I had a pretty crazy September. It seems I last posted with any substance on the 10th, and in that time quite a bit has happened but in modern seano fashion I’m just going to give you the briefest rundown possible (and it’s 12:34 and I needz mah beauty rest).

I had made it a pretty regular routine to spend my Fri-Sun with the boys and going to the usual places doing the usual things…nothing spectacular on that front. Paul lost his goddamn mind and the ‘BWPC’ has dwindled in numbers since, but I can’t say I’m sorry for it because the people who are relevant I still find time for. Avalon finally shut its doors for the last time at the end of the month and I missed it because…

I planned to surprise Niko in San Francisco before we got into our spat before he left, I’m glad we cleared it up when he actually did leave cause otherwise it would have made for one weird vacation. On the 24th I left for SFO for a week to visit with Mr. Arty and obviously to surprise my baby boy. All in all it was a success on my end, I called him up outside his dorm and told him I was downstairs…it was pretty neat…It’s one of those things that you imagine but never consider and I’m glad I could make it happen. The rest of my time spent in SF was amazing, I attending the Folsom Street Fair (pics to the left), went to many fabulous eateries, spent a shitload of money on some new junk, and met some new friends. During my stay I did find time to be solo and take a last (well maybe not last) glance at a city I could be moving to in less than a year. I found that while I absolutely adore the city and the western lifestyle…I’m not as headstrong as I was before I came on this second trip. San Francisco is an extremely competitive city full of young adults with talent and the resources necessary to get the jobs they want, not to say I’m afraid…but some extra time padding my resume or taking on more education couldn’t hurt before jumping to the left coast.

We’ll see…

I got home with just enough time to catch up on sleep that I had lost from my terrifying plane ride (nothing abnormal about the trip itself I’m just a basket case on flying metal tubes of death). When I got back to work I immediately hit one of those ‘I’m overwhelmed with work so I’m going to shut down’ moods and had the worst time digging out from emails for the 2 fucking positions I’m working right now. Hopefully the end is near for the job I’m supposed to be done with, but not before I build an 8,000 reference library for a nathan-oski chapter that was due in February. Fuck! I’m not happy about going to work tomorrow knowing I was supposed to get some of it done last week and got none of it…gahhhh

No work rant! No!

The only piece I’m reluctant to type about is the boy sitch. By whichever means people will tell you it was by, I did meet a boy that I’ve been spending time with for about a month. Initially I treated it with the same skepticism I always do, but he’s a smart guy and pretty genuine so we’ll see how this goes…i’m currently enjoying myself quite a bit with it so I’ll stick with that and not put any expectations or goals for it and see how that plan works out for me.

See? A happy note ending!!

xo

ps – really missing my Thomas.

I Remember.

Once, while falling into approvals tricky arms
I saw esteem’s corpse
Deafened by allure’s sweet, sweet song

Montreal was fan-fucking-tastic. I won’t get into a 3 page description of what went on because I’m tired of re-telling the story (it’s a long one). If you crave the details than just ask me, I can sum up the trip in a few words:

Champagne, late nights, strippers, walks until dawn, sunglasses, excess.

Shit was out. of. control. – a complete success by far, probably one of the most best planned and executed trips i’ve ever taken. Nik, Richard, Patsy and Damion contributed to one of the best trips I’ve ever taken.

Affixed like I’m under a spell
That ain’t even like myself
No – things are going to change
That starts today

I’m home safe and re-adjusting to the crazy (and not so sudden) changes to work. My first day back was fucking twilight zone. All at the same time I’m digging out from what I’ve missed, training for my new position, planning for people who are leaving and coordinating with all the other departments for the staff shift. Nuts.

Otherwise? I’m still in a sort of post-vacation haze, I wish I could go back. I knew as soon as I left Montreal the background anxiety would creep its way back into the front rows of thought.

It’s funny…when I made this blog I told myself no inhibitions, no regrets, no holding back, etc. etc. etc.

And yet I find myself not wanting to write about something that so desperately needs to be let out.

It seems just yesterday I ate it up
Your yarns were dipped in gold
I swallowed them whole
The real tragedy is that your act is just boring and old

Half of me is resigned to the fact that I’ve become such a new person, that my tolerance for bullshit is so low that it doesn’t deserve this kind of recognition. The other half, however, begs I forgive in the honor of years past; and continue to put my own needs and respects down to quell a problem all I’ve dealt with for a while now.

Fuck that.

Back and forth with this disdain
That ain’t even why I came
And when I scream
You want me crawling on my knees
I guess these days I’m someone else
I’m better off all by myself
These days I’m just somebody else

I exist as a part of a whole – that could never exist without one of the other parts.

Funny how things turn out.

I’ve been enjoying the days assigned to rest for my vacation thus-far, so I figured I’d catch a moment and update.

Some of the crew and I went camping in the green mountains this weekend, it felt short lived compared to last October when we went to NH. The grounds were gorgeous, we were on a river and our site was a lot bigger than before. There were lots of trails and hiking to do, one of which led to a waterfall we swam in…fucking cold as hell but a ton of fun. Of course there was drinking, and card games and flashlight hikes. I put the pictures on my flickr.

Since getting back I’ve been preparing for Montreal and sitting on the couch with Tevvy getting LOST. I was hesitant at first when I heard about it, but having all of the seasons at my fingertips makes it like crack…we can’t stop watching it. I made more progress in Zelda, did some laundry, cooked dinner and sat around – just what I needed.

I’m a little less excited about MTL than I was before, I really need to be focusing on saving money rather than spending it. However, I’m committed to the trip and when you’ve told people you’re going to do something you follow through. I would never back out at the last minute plus I know I’ll be fine, It’s just at an undesirable time.

and there you have it.

My Thomas is finally 21!

His celebration was a sweeping success – he

had the biggest turnout of a port party this year. *golf clap* The pictures have been uploaded to my Flickr, they’re pretty good.

Saturday evening I had a pretty high profile night for Matty’s birthday festivities. It involved all of my favorite things: matty, whisk

ey, cigarettes, crazy asians, free beer and madonna. Forgot my camera.Tomorrow a few of us took off to go to Six Flags for the day, I’m pretty stoked.

The next big thing to be excited for is Montreal Pride. Patrick, Richard, D, Niko and I are heading north for 4 days to party it up. I haven’t been since the FSB went in ‘05 and I’ve been dying to go back. I figure that will be my little summer vacation as a trip to SF right now is looking mighty expensive – plus I’m partial to road trips anyway.

That’s about it for right now, I’m at work and just figured i’d give a quick update and share the pics.

xxxooooo

One of Boston’s most treasured landmarks is the flashing weather beacon that sits atop the old John Hancock Tower, now the Berkeley Building. The tower began forecasting the weather, using predictions from a meteorological company on the 26th floor, in 1950. Its predictions inspired a poem:

Steady blue, clear view
Flashing blue, clouds due
Steady red, rain ahead
Flashing red, snow instead.
(Except in summer, when it means the Red Sox game is canceled.)

 Goooo flashing red!

San Francisco was refreshing. If nothing else it was a lesson that good friendships do transcend time. I’m so lucky to have been able to reconnect with Arty and Austin, as if I had never left them. Big ups.

I also had a great time with Niko, watching him get excited about his new school was surprisingly easy. I guess I found happiness in his excitement, so its all good. We didn’t get as much time to relax as I would have liked, but it was a small sacrifice to have covered as much ground as we did – we really saw nearly everything. I would like to go again in the summer, do some more research. I didn’t get as much of that done as I wanted to, but I figured I would have enough time once I got home that first hand exploration of mymove to SF was unnecessary at the moment. It did however give me plenty of motion to start the process. Tonight I meet with my advisor to withdraw from these foolish classes that won’t transfer and set my major on a track that is at least related to Sociology rather than a major that is just appealing to my lazy nature.

SFSU seems like the obvious choice, they have their own impacted Sociology major and their own School of Social Work. Though rather than pile a transcontinental (love that word) move, job switch, and school transfer – I’ve decided to just get my A.S., move, and get a new job. I can shop for schools once I’m settled and have some ground to stand on. I’m in no rush because my goal isn’t a B.S. it’s an M.S.W. so I’m guaranteed to be in school well into my 30s anyway…but at least I have a clear cut plan (revised).

Enough of that…

The baby got so desperate last night that she slept in my bed! What a pussy! I can’t wait for Tevvy to get home, I’m sure she’ll have some nut job story to tell me about how her and 3 cubans bought an iguana farm or something. I do love that girl. Welp, there goes my train of thought.

Happy Spring!

Let the pictures tell the story.

Uh, I couldn’t find a site to host this mash-up I’ve been bumping lately but I will! and post it with a full entry maybe tomorrow.

For now, slumber.

xo

It’s been 3 years and 6 months…

It’s weird, I feel like I’m not going back to California.

I’ve never been to San Francisco, and I know it’ll be different…I hope it has that same calming effect the Central Coast has on me. I’m worried it won’t. I’m worried Niko will make this more about him leaving than us enjoying oursleves…but that’s natural, right? I want to enjoy the city with him as if we had never been, as if he had no intentions of ever being there again. Like a vacation should be. I know I ask the impossible, but somewhere I have hope that he’s smart enough to separate the sad details of his departure/excitement of starting anew – from the bliss of a vacation with his boy. Gar. ‘Nothing is ever easy‘ should be my new motto.

I got some 1on1 face time with my Thomas tonight, and I am just constantly reminded of what amazing friends are. Thomas breaks every rule on friendship but at the same time costs no emotional tax. He’s amazing. Period. I hope he knows what a crucial element he is to my stability and success…I think sometimes I give him less credit than he deserves. Though I know he knows that I would move mountains for him, anytime, anywhere.

I leave Boston with open ears and an open heart. The biggest challenge for me will be realisitically sizing up another transcontinental move next spring without the help of my family. I know I want to be in the west, and at the moment I know I want to be with Niko for a long time (assuming he puts his walls down.) So I have to seriously assess my destination and lay the foundation for plans next year and work hard towards them. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of being left behind and not being competent enough to do something like that on my own…I suppose that’s natural. It’s all dependent upon how this trip goes.

We’ll see.

I wish someone else could be take the wheel for a while, I’m getting tired.

My horoscope for today:

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Get moving — a trip will help you determine whether or not to make a change or stay put. You can expand your interests if you take an active role in a group that focuses on similar pastimes. Love is looking hot. 5 stars

5 stars no less! Brilliant.

I know I promised I would write more about other things, but my life is just to frantic for that lately.

Realizations, I’ve had a lot in the last 24 hours. The most important being: I’m happy with me.

Mike Monahan sent me and email this morning that hovered around my ‘Grinds My Gears’ post, and somewhat reinforced the general feelings of Nik and Reba. Now, without going into details about Mike, I’ll just say that we we’re very close once upon a time. Without dragging this out I’ll say after three people agreeing I had become a different person I did spend the latter half of my day searching for something that felt different inside.

No dice.

So I dissected each of their arguments and found individual faults in all of them united, basically, behind Reb’s very vague statement that I had changed. So I’m calling this issue on it’s bullshit and telling you three to find some substantial evidence. I’ll be waiting in the meantime.

On to happier issues my vacation is ONE WEEK away! Back to California.
Thomas is coming home on Thursday and I get to see him before I go.
Peter cooked me dinner tonight.
Work is going great.
I’m getting back in touch with Erin. +90 pts

Oh, did I mention I was going on vacation with the sweetest boy in the world? Cause I am.

Uh yes, also, listen to this.

Don’t you love how I link shit now? Me too. Though, it’s past my bedtime…I should finish this wine and knock like a jehovah.

xo