I finally took December off my wall last night, sweet jesus. Half-month lag? It was a crazy few weeks I suppose, I’m definitely looking forward to more low key events until spring.

I experimented by going to Nashua last weekend to see how weekends up there go, I wouldn’t mind spending more time up there as I got plenty of sleep and wasn’t overdrawn by Monday. Brian, Jennfo, Richard, Shayne and I had a pretty wild AFC Championship party and good times were had by all. I’m thinking it would be a good spot for the Super Bowl if Brian feels like hosting…love that heddy HDTV.

This week has been unexpectedly unforgiving. Work got busy out of no where and I have back to back days of class with a test and some bullshit outline due. Thursday should bring a nice feeling of relief, and then try to take it easy until Saturday for Nik’s 25th birthday shitshow.

I think things are slowly but surely falling into a more structured groove than before. The full classload routine has helped me appreciate quiet time at home more, and other social developments have made me appreciate quiet time other people more.

 We’ll see how long it lasts ;)

Ahem, so…

Not for nothing, but my lame ass had a dream about Scotty last night – we won’t get into it.

I’m still grappling with this motivation thing, I feel kind of useless at

work not wanting to do anything. I mean, I don’t just sit here but I could be far more pro-active with things and just choose to waste time on espn or perez…oi. As odd as it seems I think being back in the swing of a full class load might help me pull my shit together, and obviously taming down my weekends… (hah!)
                                                                                                                                                [Blah!]

I’m thinking about going to Nashua this weekend to get away from the city and watch the Championship on Brian’s rediculously large television, plus he could use the company. It’s a long weekend so I can compromise by staying on Friday night or coming home for Sunday and have a balanced weekend that won’t kill my bank account…I wonder if I can get any of the boys to come up for some NH shenanigans.

Probably not.

Spose I shouldn’t have written this entry at work if I really cared about being motivated, hah! Off I go…

Hmph.

Ugh I’m upset with myself…I have no motivation to do anything. I just want to sit on the couch and do nothing all day. It pains me to get up for work in the morning and don’t even talk about school…I’m having a serious mental block with caring about my responsibilities.

is this what being black is like?

sigh.

I’ll try to elaborate more tomorrow, but I don’t give a shit right now.

xo

Fuckkk!

So I went to my much feared math course last night, and it wasn’t so bad but it was pretty scary. It’s like everything you learned in middle school (all of which I forget) and I’m pretty sure I did horribly on the assessment test…but whatever hopefully I can google how to do long division again. no jokes. Either way I’m behind in both classes for skipping the first week but have a handle on what I need to do, what I should be doing right now instead of enjoying a glass of wine and relaxing but whatever I’ve been stressed since Sunday night and need to relax before I choke someone at work to death. Work is no help, I’m finding my days go quicker because of how busy it is but I still feel pretty incompetent while I’m learning and I hate that, especially because my co-worker who’s dumb north shore trash has dominion over me whilst I get the hang of things…

Bitch tried to sass me today! I went to a hematology lunch conference and she told me it was a “three patient day and maybe you can hold off on lunch next time” bitch please! you come in at 7 AM and sit around until clinic opens so you can bail at 3 when there are still kids being seen! UGH fucking wench. It’s fine though, she neither intimidates me or leaves any impression at all…I just wish she would mind her damn business or raise on up out of that job.

3-day weekend coming up and BOY am I excited that most people have to work on Monday so I can hope to get things for school done.

I kind of want someone to break my knee caps so I can just sit at home for a few months and gather motivation.

Anyhoot – Richard’s birthday weekend was pretty fantastic, we got a VIP table at the Roxy and I had a personal waitress the whole night! CAN YOU IMAGINE!? She like stood there and waited for me to finish every drink, it was truly amazing. Sunday I took tons of naps and ate KFC which cured any hangover I might have had instantly…oh and did you see the game? Brilliant. Suck it, Indiana!

I’m off to find something sugary to eat…a macarooooon perhaps.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE!!!!!!

jeeeeez….

Apologies for the lack of updates but I had a pretty crazy September. It seems I last posted with any substance on the 10th, and in that time quite a bit has happened but in modern seano fashion I’m just going to give you the briefest rundown possible (and it’s 12:34 and I needz mah beauty rest).

I had made it a pretty regular routine to spend my Fri-Sun with the boys and going to the usual places doing the usual things…nothing spectacular on that front. Paul lost his goddamn mind and the ‘BWPC’ has dwindled in numbers since, but I can’t say I’m sorry for it because the people who are relevant I still find time for. Avalon finally shut its doors for the last time at the end of the month and I missed it because…

I planned to surprise Niko in San Francisco before we got into our spat before he left, I’m glad we cleared it up when he actually did leave cause otherwise it would have made for one weird vacation. On the 24th I left for SFO for a week to visit with Mr. Arty and obviously to surprise my baby boy. All in all it was a success on my end, I called him up outside his dorm and told him I was downstairs…it was pretty neat…It’s one of those things that you imagine but never consider and I’m glad I could make it happen. The rest of my time spent in SF was amazing, I attending the Folsom Street Fair (pics to the left), went to many fabulous eateries, spent a shitload of money on some new junk, and met some new friends. During my stay I did find time to be solo and take a last (well maybe not last) glance at a city I could be moving to in less than a year. I found that while I absolutely adore the city and the western lifestyle…I’m not as headstrong as I was before I came on this second trip. San Francisco is an extremely competitive city full of young adults with talent and the resources necessary to get the jobs they want, not to say I’m afraid…but some extra time padding my resume or taking on more education couldn’t hurt before jumping to the left coast.

We’ll see…

I got home with just enough time to catch up on sleep that I had lost from my terrifying plane ride (nothing abnormal about the trip itself I’m just a basket case on flying metal tubes of death). When I got back to work I immediately hit one of those ‘I’m overwhelmed with work so I’m going to shut down’ moods and had the worst time digging out from emails for the 2 fucking positions I’m working right now. Hopefully the end is near for the job I’m supposed to be done with, but not before I build an 8,000 reference library for a nathan-oski chapter that was due in February. Fuck! I’m not happy about going to work tomorrow knowing I was supposed to get some of it done last week and got none of it…gahhhh

No work rant! No!

The only piece I’m reluctant to type about is the boy sitch. By whichever means people will tell you it was by, I did meet a boy that I’ve been spending time with for about a month. Initially I treated it with the same skepticism I always do, but he’s a smart guy and pretty genuine so we’ll see how this goes…i’m currently enjoying myself quite a bit with it so I’ll stick with that and not put any expectations or goals for it and see how that plan works out for me.

See? A happy note ending!!

xo

ps – really missing my Thomas.

There was an eerie fall-ish breeze today that made me nauseous.

Good ‘ole New England wastes no time cooling down.

I finally got some rest time tonight to order myself some take-out, do some much needed laundry and get caught up on LOST with Tevvy Laufer (I even got a nap in the sun in! +10 pts). After class, where I got my A- midterm back! I ended up meeting with Thomas and we talked some things out and laughed a lot.

I needed that.

I’m looking forward to this weekend, I feel like I’ve been gone so long. It will be nice to see those I haven’t and be in familiar surroundings. For as much shit as I talk about leaving and blah blah, when you’ve had a month of transience it’s always nice to be back ‘home’

Tomorrow is Kelly’s last day…It’s weird I guess I either don’t care or haven’t accepted she’s leaving. Things have been so bizarre at work with all of the changes going on I think I’m just off in space when I’m there lately. It definitely will be sad not to have her spirit around and her goofy humor. She’s definitely a comfort for me and a big reason for my successes. Props to you Kel, best of luck in Denver.

I’m dreading September less and less too, which is good for seanostasis. I’m really looking forward to the roomate changes and how I’ll finally get that clean bathroom I’ve always DREAMED of. Plus living with 3 gay guys will have its advantages as well…

I think I’ll take a fall vacation too, I just don’t know where…

AND! I’ve been to the beach ONCE this summer – COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE! So, let’s go! I can always take work off people…chop chop!

bedsies.xo

I have angel food cake once a year, usually on my birthday as it is the best kind of cake.

Factoid!

Melissa’s wedding was beautiful, she’s a gorgeous girl and I’m stoked she’s so happy. I’m also relieved to not have to hear about wedding shit at work again for a while as David and I are the only un-married people left in the group. Fantastic.

The reception was fun, I spent more time with Leslie and the NP’s – I really have become attached to Leslie, she’s so genuine in her feelings about her staff, we’ve become this family that I’m proud to be apart of and spend so much time out of work with.

I had a moment though, they played “Crazy” by Patsy Cline during the reception and I came really close to losing it. I’ve been avoiding all reminders of my grandmother and I would have been fine but Melissa asked me to dance to it and I had to say no choking back tears…not exactly how I like to operate with work folks, but they understood and I ended up fine.

The cookout was fun, I think I’m done hosting events at my house for a while? I just love when other people have to clean up the mess…hah.

I feel like I’m 40, who goes to these many events at 22? Am I crazy? oi.

None of this is going to flow because I’m scatter brained tonight…and all I want are cigarettes and beer.

I also want to see Niko, he’s been home for days! Where’s the effort?

Midterms are this week, then my vacation starts…I’m looking forward to it. I just want to sleep as much as possible before Montreal…as I will get none when I’m there.

alright, I thought I wanted to write something worth reading but I just don’t have the energy…I’m gonna watch some LOST and pass out.

kisses

I finally got my hands on a Wii – and it was worth every red cent of my student loan money. If you don’t know what a Wii is yet, well there’s no helping you.

I’ve been playing Zelda like a fiend, and I have a mean net game in WiiTennis.

It goes against my new reformed policies on spending, but it really is an investment. I’ve turned down 3 people just this week so far to stay in! thats like $80-$100 bucks! It’s paying itself off. Plus I was in danger of losing all my geek cred if I didn’t buy something to get me back to the modern age of gaming.

Anyhoot. This weekend is Pride and it couldn’t have come at a better time – i’ve totally been bitten by the summer bug. Sleeping with the windows open, walking around with no destination, cookouts, sandals, etc. I fucking love it. I’ve also noticed how my sex drive has kicked in now that my balls are thawed out from a friggid and cruel Boston winter. I just want to walk around without underwear all the time and make nice with many a boy.

SPEAKING of which.
and I know, when it rains it pours – but!

Kelly is trying to set me up with the coordinator for solid organs at TCH. At first I was skeptical but he’s really nice and pretty good looking - a little older at 29 – but who’s to say it’s not “get a drink” worthy? hmm? Either way I’ve been pondering the idea of dating someone from the same field of work for a while…it just seems like it would provide a great nature of relationship.

we’ll see, I am still having a great time being around Tim. Even if he might be my new roommate.

and of course there’s you, but those conversations are much longer…

<3

Sorry.

I guess I have forgotten that I have an audience that reaches beyond who hears what I have to say first-hand. My apologies.

Having said that I’ve been in a rut for a week or two. I’m not happy, but I’m not sad – I find myself in this ugly void of emotion where I just do what I can to not think about anything. I still refuse to look at pictures of my grandmother, or see my uncle. I want to, I really wish I could be getting on with this but I know at this juncture it would do more bad than good to force it.

My heart is a car wreck.

The better news is how much sun I’ve been getting exposed to, and how much time I’m getting with Thomas, and how Niko’s hard work paid off and he’s now a graduate and academic award winning graphic designer! and how much I missed the simple pleasure of dinner and a movie with good company.

School is alright, I’m taking a police class and learning how I can sleaze my way out of getting arrested. Or at least that’s what I’m trying to learn. I just want to be done, if I could take 9 classes a week I would just to have it be over. I need a rest…I just want to have work as a responsibility.

Work is getting better every month…I really do love it here and am gaining invaluable experience with these folks. I’ve never felt more supported and comfortable with any work group before…they’re like family. I don’t think I can emphasize how much I enjoy my job and how serious I take it. For whatever stories I tell about the flexibility of the job (i.e. playing AOE during downtime) there’s 20 others of situations in which I’m busting my ass. I just don’t bother telling those because, hey, that shit’s boring.

Alright, it’s Friday and I managed to catch Thomas’ coughing virus but that will not stop me from having a great Memorial Day. COOKOUT REVIVAL!!!

Oh, 28 Weeks Later was fucking sick.

So is this.

Sorry for the delay, I haven’t really had any motivation to write. Plus it’s been super fucking nice out.

I got the “inside” word today that come August, I’ll be moving up the clinical ladder at work. They’ve been conditioning me since I started to be the SCT (Stem Cell Transplant) Clinical Coordinator from day one. I took the admin assist job because I was afraid I would fuck up, and I definitely would have so I’m glad I’ve spent this last year getting a handle on our program. I’m really excited to be getting back to the patient side of business…It’s my passion to be out there having a hands-on approach to helping people. It’s not quite clinical social work but it’s as close as I can get without my MSW. Needless to say I’m fucking blinded with excitement about the upcoming change…and also a little nervous. It’s going to require much more effort than I’m giving now (not because I’m lazy, the job isn’t very needy) but I’m willing and eager to take it on. Not to mention the raise…

I’ll keep you posted.

Thomas has been back and I’ve been happily getting as much time with him as possible. It’s refreshing to have him back, he’s my shoulder to lean on and the slap in the back of the head when I’m being stupid – which is more often these days. We had a boys night in the other night and just drank wine, smoked cigarettes and watched Shortbus (amazing, btw.) and I had the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Not to discredit the wild nights with the BWPC, it’s just different when T-Money is around…it’s like being home. Alternatively, I’ve been seeing less of Niko, which is what it is…he’s busy graduating…I really don’t have much to say about that anymore…outloud anyway.

May and June are filling up with a ton of events, namely Thomas’ 21st and my sisters baby shower. The fucking invitation I got in the mail had an asterisk at the bottom that read “*Nicole HATES the color yellow, keep this in mind when shopping”

Hahahaha you frigid bitch!